DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
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the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
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I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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