oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
