is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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