Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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