the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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