So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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