Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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