mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
