Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
