i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
