walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
