Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
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I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
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No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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