ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
