you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
