Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
