just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
