I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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