Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
