she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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