This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize