Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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