dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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