life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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