So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
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just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
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No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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