This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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