You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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