Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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