im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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