is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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