I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
