I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
