You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
