woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
