You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
