My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I skipped work to stalk him.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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