Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He kissed a someone with a penis
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
