While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
