We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
