Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
