Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
