Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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