I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
