Betty ford says i'm here all night
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
