I faked an abortion last night.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
