It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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