when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
