I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
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I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
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He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.