I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
