porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
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Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no