im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED