dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.