you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine