I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
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Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
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Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister