oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
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