I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
