so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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