He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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