Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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