my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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