It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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