Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
