So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
