Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
