hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
