dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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