ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
