thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
