if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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