Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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