I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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