let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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