every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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