Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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