we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It's rum buckets o'clock
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
