direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
