Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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