Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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