Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
