grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
