yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I was not drunk enough for that final.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
