I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
